An Ode to Surburban Turmoil.....

As many know, I love blogging. I also love reading other blogs. It is really calming to see that things that happen to me, aren't just unique to me. There are other individuals like myself in other parts of the country. Last week I found a blogger wo's blog is entitle Surburban Turmoil. She is an instant fave of mine. Her witty good natured way of writing is terribly addicting! I find myself smiling when I read her entries. And yesterday's entry is no different. For I also have S.F.S. (Shitty Friend Syndrome).

For as far back as I can remember, I have always had someone come into my life that has totally dumped on me, used me, then go Hasta La Vista. As a teen, it was a girl named Maria. Maria and I shared an interest in singing. At my high school I was recommended to try out for the All City High School Chorus. I tried out and got in. The following year Maria wanted to try out and she also got in. While in the chorus I got around to crushing on one of the baritone singers. I thought he was so dreamy. Of course Maria being my friend and all I confided in her. She said yes he was cute I should talk to him. We would talk small talk during breaks. She would joke around when we chatted. Well 3 weeks later, who do I see walking hand in hand together down Grand Concourse??? Yep Maria and Dreamy Guy! I couldn't believe it! A week later she comes and apologizes. The following year we had both graduated, since we had a keen interest in pursuing singing careers, we formed a band. Our 3rd member wasn't as interested in performing as we were, so we searched for a new member. At my college I found just the girl. Since my stepfather knew people in the industry, he had us practice alot. Maria was in a rush to get to meet someone in the industry. My stepfather kept telling her to be patient, before we even did studio time we had to perfect our song. Well one day, Maria calls me and says "Oh I am moving to Atlanta, so I won't be able to be in the group anymore. Lissette said that she is going to try to do the solo thing." OK??? 2 weeks later I run into a friend of mine who was also a performer. "Hey Carmen, I didn't see you at the rehearsal for the talent show?" HUH??? "Maria, Lissette, and some other girl were there." Aaaahhhhh! I see! Well Maria took it upon herself to slither her way around dropping me from the group and formulating a new group with the new singer I brought in. She wwanted the fast track to the top. INteresting. Well I wanted her to know that I knew what was up. My best friend Brenda and I went to the said talent show, sat front and center. Maria's sister Sonia turned all shades of white when she saw that I was there. We sat through the performance and poor Maria was nervous as heck. Good riddance! Goodbye SF #1. I guess guilty concious had her call me 3 years later, saying how she found God and wanted to apologize for what she did, and maybe I can find God to in her new church. Hmmmmm, I don't think so! I have my faith, thank you much! And you should have thought about all the inner turmoil you were going to go through for being a S.F.

I guess being good natured and all, I don't see SF when they are coming. It is once they are in my life that I run into the huge neon lights!

SF#2
This one is not my typical type of friend. And that should have been a fair enough warning. I usually surround myself with people who see the cup as half full. Those who take the good with the bad. Those that know that with the bad we gain learning experiences. And ultimately that we have to Live Life, Laugh Often, and Love Much. This was entirely NOT the case with her. In her life everyone is out to get her. The slightest thing is turned into a monstrocity. But I suppose I thought maybe I could be a positive influence in her life. That maybe a little diversion from that..someone there to tell her, "Hey, have you thought of looking at it this way?" would show her that life isn't always a fight to the finish. But as they say, a leopard can't change its spots.
Being the scrapaholic that I am I asked her if she would be interested in scrapping. She was interested and it turned into an obsession for her. Now every year for the past 7 years I have religiously been attending the Memories Expo with my family. A 2 day convention where you shop, take classes, and attend crops with fellow scrapaholics like myself. Every year since I have been attending expo, I have met up with friends there. Mike has always gone to take me and then entertained the children. We have a blast! Non-stop laughing, everything! So in the winter of 2005, I told my "friend" all about it and maybe she can attend too. Another person I had mentioned it too was also interested. Well, "friend" suggested maybe we can all share a room. I ran it by Mike, he said if I wanted to but he really doesn't mind going. And that as long as I had a ride there then he would be ok with staying home with the kids. So the plans were set in motion. 4 weeks prior to expo, "friend" decides to tell me that she wouldnt be able to drive to expo because her hubby would need the car. SNAG! OK, so our other friend said she would drive. PHEWW! SCRREEEECH!!!! A couple of days later she said that she wouldn't be able to drive up either. Houston, there's a problem!
"Friend" ever so nonchalantly calls me and says "Hey, I know you dont like driving long distances, but I can go to your house and drive your van to expo. No big deal" Ummm, YES it is a big deal. In our house we don't let anyone outside of us two drive our cars. Quite simply put, if we get into an accident all that a friend can say is "Oops, I'm sorry". And we are left with the expense of fixing the car and the higher insurance premium rates. So I told her "I'm sorry but we don't let anyone drive our car. But I will talk to Mike and get back to you." Mike said "Listen, it really isnt a big deal me going to expo. I will go up with you and your friends can just ride with us. Let them know that they can split a room". So I immediately called "friend" and told her. She said all was fine, or so I thought!

The day before the expo comes. "Friend" calls and says "hey just want you to know that I will be driving with so and so. I just dont want to be bothered with your children" Come again???? Did I hear her incorrectly? So I mentioned how it is a minivan and she will have the whole 3rd row to herself. And again "Oh thats OK, I just don't want to be bothered by your children" Oh yeah I heard her right! Then she started trying to say how she is paying more than she was anticipating for the room and implying that since now I am taking my husband and kids that I should give her the discounted rate. I totally thought she was out of her mind and just ignored the last statement.

What came to pass the following 2 days threw me in utter shock! During the day she started giving me the cold shoulder. Then during dinner she complained about the service and looking at my two as though they were piranas. She also looked at my friends (the ones that I meet at expo every year) as though they were nuts for playing with my twosome. At the crop that evening she told my friends "Oh Carmen F___ed up the plans. This was suppose to be a Girls Weekend and she F---ed it up by bringing her husband and kids" Hello???? I told her it would have been had she not stated that she had no vehicle to get us there. My friend Nancy said "Well, Mike comes to this every year. The only time we see him or the kids is at dinner". Next day if looks could injure someone, boy would I be dead. She said not a word to me, and to boot when we returned from the weekend she proceeded in an attempt to damage my reputation by slandering me to anyone that knows me. I was told by those that heard the allegations she made. And when I confronted her she stated very a matter a factly "Oh I was pissed off with you. I was mad and I talk when I get mad". That was the end of SF#2. This year she went to expo....unfortunately she hasn't changed. And unfortunately she doesn't realize that her demeanor is ostrocizing herself from people who could potentially be good friends.

At the end of last year, I vowed to put an end to my crusade to help those that display "SF" potential. Life is too short. I have way to many great friends to waste my time with those individuals who do not have my best interest at heart. Since then, I have been a much happier person. Not having to worry about "Sf" is so aliviating!