We're Not Gauranteed Tomorrow

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
- Alicia Keys

It's hard to imagine how I could ever forgive myself if ever I told a loved one hateful things that deep down in my heart I know I didn't mean, and then something tragic happened to them. I suppose that is why I am of the school of thought: Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't ever say something out of anger that you can regret later.

I really wish my mom and sister would follow the same motto.

Melissa and Mom have a volatile relationship. It wasn't always that way. I can safely say that since Mom and her dad split up, their relationship changed. It took a drastic turn for the worse. Alot of it had to do with the bunch of lies Melissa's dad poisoned her mind with lies in order to shift the attention away from himself. Zeke cheated on Mom. Not only once either. During his visitation with Melissa, he would fill her young impressionable mind with stories that eventually started festering anger and hate towards my mother. One of the most damaging was that he wanted to make things work with Mom, but Mom refused. "Your Mom doesn't want us to be a family" he'd tell a young 10 year old whose only wish is to see her mommy and daddy together. This coming from a man that gathered his belongings, rented an apartment and moved his mistress in with him. (Not to mention he married the mistress before the judge's signature dried on the divorce decree, LITERALLY. Same exact day.) He would reinforce his Mommy bashing brainwashing segments with showering her with gifts and money, things that Mom couldn't give Melissa because since he left her, she had to take on two jobs to support her 3 children.

Each time Melissa returned from her visits with her dad, her interaction with Mom progressively got worse. It got to the point where Melissa would yell disrespectfully at Mom and say very hurtful things. At 16 she decided she wanted to move in with her dad. But that didn't work. Melissa didn't get along with his wife. So what does he do? 3 days after Melissa ran away to his house, he promptly returned her to Mom's doorstep and while discussing the situation, tells her he lied to her...he was the one who broke the marriage vows, and made up things about Mom.

But by this time it was too late. Mom and Melissa's relationship was doomed. The respect was gone. There was no mending it.

This never stopped Mom from helping Melissa out. Whenever Melissa was in a bind and lost her place to stay, Mom took her in. Things would be peachy keen in the beginning, but eventually would return to the shouting and disrespect. Mom would tell Melissa to move out, Melissa would get on her feet, and the cycle would start all over again. She'd lose her place, she'd move back in...etc. Even though Mom knew she and Melissa could not live under the same roof, she would still take her in. Like she said, she doesn't have anywhere else to go and I can't see her and Malik on the streets.

Once Mom moved to Puerto Rico, I thought things would get better. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? Not really. A few weeks back the two of them had a big blowout by phone. The both of them exchanged words. And in the end Melissa said some hateful things. She vowed never to speak to her again.

I told Melissa you don't really mean what you said, you were angry. But she said she did. Mom said she needs to hear Melissa apologize to her before they can be on speaking terms again. She's done with all the verbal abuse she has had to put up with since she was 10 years old.

I understand there are years of unrepairable damage between Mom and Melissa. I would hate for them to continue living life this way. In a perfect world, they would be respectful to one another and give each other thier space. If talks of personal issues brings out the uglies in them, then they shouldn't touch those topics. My wish is for them to be cordial to each other not only for thier own peace of mind, but for the sake of thier family around them. Especially Malik.

As Alicia Keys lyrics remind us.....we can not take for granted that today is a gift and tomorrow is not gauranteed to us.