I am a non-licensed therapist to certain friends and family. I am the one many turn to as a shoulder to cry on, to vent, or for advice. Nine times out of ten, it is the latter. And as much as I don't mind giving my opinion, it does sometimes become quite frustrating when I have offered sound advice and the loved one does the total opposite. Unfortunately, they realize too late that my opinion held thier best interest at heart.
The past week or so I have been speaking with a loved one about thier desires to relocate closer to family. Initially I warned them not to make any rush decisions. Keep in mind that relocating requires careful planning and most of all money....especially when there are children involved.
The last couple of days found my loved one in a frantic state, stating they are just going to do it. They will move and thats it. Then in the same conversation, they'd ask me what they should do. I was shocked. But I held back and didn't say I think this is a very bad choice. Instead I did what many therapist do....pose the question "Do you think this is best?" and put the ball back in thier court. But more importantly, I told them, "this is your choice to make. It is your life. I can't make decisions for you, just like I can not live your life." I decided it was best not to say a thing. I noticed that sometimes when we lay out a plan for someone, they decide to do the exact opposite. I was hoping that by not offering my opinion, would lead them to think of what I had told them last week and make the right choice on thier own.
It seems that got them thinking. This evening I got the call letting me know they decided that making a move like that with only a couple of hundred dollars in thier pocket is totally insane. They decided to do as I hoped. They would carefully plan out the move....save money, and do it the proper way.
I can now breath a sigh of relief. I so didn't want to see my loved one crash and burn as would likely had been the case with an ill planned relocation. Not only would it hurt them, but it would hurt the child in the process. Phew!
If it’s not broken, don’t fix it
5 years ago
2 comments:
You've just zeroed in on one of the most frustating things about therapy - the "client" sometimes goes against the plan, and that's a setback. It's about 1,000 times harder when you're watching a family member do it, too. I'm glad you were there to listen, and really got your loved one to examine the situation more. Are you sure you don't want to change your major? ;)
That was probably the best thing you could have done you know...
I do know a lot of people who do the exact opposite of advice they get only because they want to do it their own way.
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