Children Are Not to Blame

I have a top 10 list of blogs. These ladies either share my passion for scrapping, my interest in decorating, a similarity in everyday life, are amazing writers, or are just flat out hilarious and put a smile on my face. So every morning (or afternoon, depends how busy I am) I peruse my Top Ten Favorite Blog lists and read their updates. This morning, one of my favs posted a very touching entry that inspired me to write about my sister, Tina.

My father was (or is, do they ever really go down the straight and narrow path)a womanizer. He married my mom and not even 18 months later started an affair with a 14 year old girl. She was the daughter of a man who was giving my parents bible studies. I know, my father had alot of nerve! He was close to double her age at the time too. My Mom caught on to what was going on and decided with her friend to follow him one day. Turns out he would pick her up after school take her out and shower her with gifts and whatnot. Mom confronted my father and told him "Don't you see this is wrong? She is a young girl, would you want a man of your age to seduce your daughter when she is 14?" His answer......"Well, if it happens, it happens."

Mom realized that talking sense into my father would be an impossible feat. So she decided to let the young girl's parents know. They did what most parents at that time did. Ship her to her grandparents in Puerto Rico. At 18, she returned stateside, and (this was told to me by her), she happened to be walking down the boulevard and my father spotted her and drummed up a conversation with her. The affair was rekindled. By this time, my Mom was done with it. She filed for divorce, packed our bags and left.

My father would, on occasion, pick up my brother and I and spend some time with us. We would go over to his and his girlfriend's house or they would take us to the amusement park or the movies. I did notice the growing belly, but at the time didn't put two and two together.

That November, my Mom took us to our Grandma's house (the drop off point for the visitations. I remember this day clearly because it was two weeks after my birthday. My mom sat my brother and I down in Grandma's bed and told us that our father would be picking us up and taking us to meet our new baby sister. I was overjoyed since that was my birthday wish.

Did my Mom ever call her my half sister? No. Never. Growing up she was always my sister. Once she got old enough, my Mom even told my father that Tina is welcome to come over to our house. They soon became overnight visits, and by the time Tina was old enough to take the subways by herself, she would come over to our house on her own and spend time with us. Tina would even call my Mom her second mother.

Some people thought it was nuts that she had her ex's daughter hanging around. My Mom would simply state. "Why is it strange? Tina is their sister. And as a matter of fact, why should I not allow her to come over and spend time with her siblings? It is not her fault that her father is a womanizer. It isn't her fault her mother knowingly continued a relationship with a married man. Children are not to blame. They can not be punished for their parents transgressions."

I credit my Mom to the incredible bond Tina and I share today. I can not imagine life without Tina. Although we live hundreds of miles apart, we are as close as if we lived right next door to one another. We talk on the phone daily. And Tina has even turned to my Mom for advice.

I am so grateful for my Mom's openness to accept Tina and allow her to spend quality time with us in our house. I am even happier she brought Tina into her heart. I realize it takes an incredible person to do that. It is a difficult feat, but in the end it strengthens the bonds of what matters most. FAMILY.