Parenting in Today's World

This afternoon I was reading through my list of favorite blogs and had to sit here and clap, snap, and give SlackerMom her props for todays post. As I read her post I was nodding my head and agreeing to all the trials and tribulations that we as parents have to go through in our years of parenting.

She posed many valid questions that I myself grapple with everyday.

Like for instance, why would an 8 year old need a cell phone? I was at playgroup about a year ago and we were having a discussion about them. One of the moms said thier daughter asked for one for Christmas and she was debating whether to get it or not. I put in my two cents. N-O. Why would she need one? She replied because everyone else has one....At 8 years old?!?!? Like Slackermom I pointed out where would your child be where she wouldn't have access to a phone? Another mom stated that her daughter has one in case of an emergency. Again I posed the same question. In all honesty I think it is a status symbol. A way to prove to thier friends "I am cool." Leilani is 8 and if she talks to a friend on the phone for 5 minutes it is alot. If there is a moment where Leilani and Christopher are not in Mike or I's presence, they are with another adult who has a phone. If they need to contact me, they can. So I don't get the excuse, in case of an emergency.

Another is Why do parents feel they have to give in to thier children's every whim? I admit, both Leilani and Christopher recieve alot more than I did as a child. Being brought up by my mom, who at the time made a meager salary to support herself and 3 children, we knew that if it wasn't our birthday or Christmas, we can pretty much expect to save our allowances or babysitting money in order to purchase an unnecessary want. Leilani and Christopher do recieve items they want on other occasions. But one thing is for certain, they have to earn it. Last year Leilani needed to bring home 20 perfect score exams in order to obtain a $5 item. She knew in order to do this, she would need to study hard. And I can proudly say she only came home with a not perfect score twice. What makes this concept difficult are the friends who get the same item and more expensive ones, just because.

I can't tell you how many times Leilani has told me "Mom, "Mary" has 20 Webkinz." or "Mom, "Mary's" mom got her the Nintendo Wii this week". These are items that she wants and items I have told her to place on her Christmas/Birthday Wishlist. More often than not, Leilani will follow these statements with "Why did Mary get to get that and it isn't her birthday or Christmas?" How can I answer it? If I say because her Mom wanted to get it for her, then it will look like I don't want to get her these items. So I answer it by not answering it directly, which is hard when you have an inquisitive and intelligient child. "Sweetie, we have to work hard for what we want. For you that means saving up your money for the additional Webkinz you want. Expensive items like Nintendo Wii are better left for a special occasion since it is a special gift." Do these parents buy these items as status symbols as well? The parents stick thier chest out proud when they hear thier child boasting about what they have. And it is always followed by, "Do you have that?" When Leilani states a lesser number or she doesn't have that, the parent always gives that pathetic "Oh that is so sad for her that you don't buy her these things" look, while they gently stroke thier childs hair. They give that look to me as though I am not an adequate parent.

Do I feel inadequate? Do I feel like I am less of a mom because I don't shower my children with gifts every moment I get? No. And the children of these "overindulgent moms" prove to me why. One thing I do notice when I go to these same children's parties is the blank look on thier child's face when opening gifts. They don't ooh or aah when they open a gift. I live for that every birthday and Christmas. But these children don't. They savagely open all thier gifts and not so much of a flicker of joy appears in thier eyes. Why? Because quite frankly, they have been overindulged with items that they can't appreciate them. They have grown to expect to get these things on an everyday basis. They have those 20 Webkinz laying in a corner of thier home collecting dust, while the 4 owned by Leilani and the 2 owned by Chris are loving cherished and played with on a daily basis.

Parenting in Today's World takes alot of patience and explaining why we do the things we do. Of course we may say if we were Millionaires we would give in to our child's every heart desire, realistically, what would we be teaching them? We don't get everything handed to us in life. We have to work hard. And what would life be without the joy we feel when we have been dreaming of something and anxiously anticipating it anyway?