UGH!

I really hate to have confrontations with loved ones. I mean who does? But it is really aggravating when the issue has nothing to do with your actions and totally to do with the others. What makes it worse is when the loved one is trying to shift thier actions on you.

For the past 3 weeks I have had my nephew, Malik staying with us. It really was a wonderful experience. Now, the said loved one also wanted to spend quality time with him. Unfortunately we live over 2 hours away from one another. Another issue harboring the ability for him to enjoy more time with him is the fact that he has a full time job that does not have the same days off every week. He has to work certain Saturdays, and at times the job requires him to work overtime. I understand that it is a difficult situation.

Today we planned that we would meet at my aunts house so that he can pick Malik up. We never scheduled a specific time, but we did agree that it would be early enough that he can take in a movie with Malik today.

This morning we all woke up at around 9am. We made breakfast, ate, and then started getting ready. This consisted of batheing and dressing myself and Malik, Leilani, and Christopher. At 11am I called to let him know that we would be leaving within the next 30 minutes. He stated that he was running errands and asked that I call him when we were in the Bronx.

We packed up the van and secured the kids inside and set out at 11:30am. We made a quick stop at the Wendy's drivethru in order to not waste any time. I doled out lunch in the van and continued on our trip to the city. There was some traffic as we approached the George Washington Bridge but it didn't delay us by much. We arrived in the Bronx at approximately 1:30pm.

I decided to call him and let him to find out where he was. I was assuming that he was on his way to the Bronx since he wanted to pick Malik up early. Turns out he was still in CT. He was waiting for one of the cars to get repaired. I asked how long it would take and he responded about an hour to 90 minutes. I told him still he would take him at least an hour to leave CT and then another hour to arrive at our aunt's house (this would schedule his arrival in the Bronx at approximately 3:30pm), I would be taking Malik to see his great grandmother. He said fine. I told him that hopefully I would see him at our aunt's house but if not then I would see him on August 16th (when we are planning to see each other). (This would be a crucial piece of information later on.)

We then went and had a pleasant visit with great grandma. I was really happy that he was able to see her during this visit. Grandma has Alzhiemer's. And with terrible disease you don't know for sure how much memory the person will have from one month to the next. It was a bittersweet visit: wonderful in the part that we shared a nice visit with her, but sad that in the short time we were there we realized how bad her memory was getting. She asked me the same questions repeatedly.

I kept my eye on the clock and bid great grandma farewell until our next visit. I wanted to be sure that I arrived at our aunt's house within the time that he stated that he estimated he would be there by.

We arrived at Aunt Wanda's house at about 3:20pm. We walked up to her place and realized that he had not arrived yet. No worries. I told Aunt Wanda that he would more than likely be arriving shortly. Since Mike and I wanted to go visit his mom's apartment to make sure things were ok there (she is away on vacation), we sadly told Malik goodbye and told him that he would not be there for too long. Kisses to Aunt Wanda and we were off.

At a couple of minutes to 4pm, my loved one calls. He asks where was I. I told him we were on our way to MIL's house and that Malik was already dropped off at Aunt Wanda's house. I asked where he was, and he said he had recently left CT to go to the Bronx.

He then proceeded to tell me how I was supposed to call him when I left grandma's house. I proceeded to remind him that the last we spoke we bid goodbye and if we saw each other and Aunt Wanda's house great, if not, we would see each other on August 16th. Then he said I should have called him. Then he started to say how it was not fair that he does not get to spend time alot of time with Malik, and how it wasn't fair that I brought him so late.

I reminded him that when I called to say we were on our way, he said he was busy running errands. His response to this was "Well, since you had yet to leave I decided to run errands." Noooo, you were already running errands at the time I called you.

Then he tried to say that "I wanted to get him early since I only have 2 days with him. You were wrong to bring him so late." I reminded him that I called him when I arrived in the Bronx, and he was still in CT. Not to mention that he stated that it would take him at least another hour to leave CT. He then said that the vehicle was ready 20 minutes after we spoke and that that wasn't the issue.

I knew where this was going. And I didn't want to argue. This was going to turn into him blaming me for why he is still not in the Bronx. I told him I didn't want to argue with him. Malik is at Aunt Wanda's house and you can pick him up there. But he didn't want to drop it. Now he wanted to try to state that if it were the other way around he would be there early. I knew that no matter what I said he would try to peg the reason him not being there to get him on me. I wasn't going to allow that. I again told him "I don't want to argue with you. Malik is at Aunt Wanda's, pick him up there. I am going to end this call at that. Goodbye." He said goodbye and we ended the call.

I could have said if the vehicle was ready in 20 minutes, then he should have arrived before me at Aunt Wanda's house or at best at the same time. He could have even had met me at Grandma's house, since he knew the precise time we were leaving to head there.

But what makes this issue even more bothersome for me is when he called to bagger me, he stated he was in route to the Bronx. He lives about an hour to an hour and twenty minutes away from there. When I later called my aunt to give her railroad information for my cousin when I arrived home at 7pm, he had YET to arrive to pick up Malik. This being a whole 3 hours from the time that he called to pin the blame of how he was not spending quality time with Malik on me.

I believe that I held up my end of the bargain. Malik arrived in the Bronx at 1:30pm. That I would consider a reasonable time. Especially considering that I live 1 hour and 25 minutes from the Bronx. I also have to cross the GW Bridge which always is congested. And the fact that I had to get muself and 3 children bathed, dressed, and fed for the trip there.

He would have had him early had he left CT at the time I was leaving. I can not be blamed for the errands he had to run, the car that needed fixing, and whatever else delayed his trip. I wish he can see that. I don't know what else came up. Picking Malik up at past 7pm was no one's fault but his own.

I called mom to see if perhaps I was not seeing something. And she stated promptly that I can not be held accountable for his lateness. He has to own up to the fact that he had things to do and he picking up Malik more than 5 and half hours after he arrived in the Bronx can not be blamed on anyone else but himself.