The Brighter Side of Life

I admit that yesterday my brother's actions left me....well, angry. How dare he try to shift the blame of the results of his actions on me. I was so riled up that I couldn't fall asleep till 2am. I decided to write my blog to release the negative tension. Then I laid back and thought about a DailyOm I read last year.

Reversed Perceptions
Projecting
We all have issues, as well as undesirable qualities or traits that we don't like about ourselves. Most of us realize that we are not perfect and that it is natural to have unpleasant thoughts, motivations, desires, or feelings. However, when a person does not acknowledge these, they may ascribe those characteristics to someone else, deeming other people instead as angry, jealous, or insecure. In psychological terms, such blaming and fault finding is called projection.

When we are the target of projections, it can be confusing and frustrating, not to mention maddening, particularly when we know that we are not the cause of another person's distress. Even people who are well aware of their issues may find that sensitive subjects can bring up unexpected projections. They may feel insecure about a lack of funds and thus view a friend as extravagant. Or, if they really want to get in shape, they may preach the benefits of exercise to anyone and everyone.

While we can try to avoid people we know who engage in projecting their "stuff" onto others, we can't always steer clear of such encounters. We can, however, deflect some projections through mindfulness and meditation. A useful visualization tool is to imagine wrapping ourselves in a protective light everyday. At other times, we may have to put up a protective shield when we feel a projection coming our way, reminding ourselves that someone else's issues are not ours. Although it's difficult not to react when we are the recipient of a projection, it is a good idea to try to remain calm and let the other person know if they are being unreasonable and disrespectful. We all know that it's not fun to be dumped on. Likewise, we should be mindful that we don't take our own frustrations out on others. When we take ownership of our thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings, we are less likely to project our issues or disowned qualities onto others.

Obviously, not arriving at the same time I did to the Bronx causes feelings of guilt to my brother. But instead of owning up to them and knowing that he caused them, it makes him feel better shifting the blame on someone else, even though it is not right.

So I woke up this morning with a new sense of relief. I know I did not do a thing wrong, so why let him try to bring me down. No one is raining on my parade! I will let go of the fact that my brother attempted to put a damper on my memories with my nephew. We need to be responsible for our own actions. Not only is trying to project ones feelings of guilt onto someone else wrong but it is also unkind.

Life is what we make of it. I choose to accentuate the positive and look on the brighter side of life!